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Valentine's Day and the Author

So, I thought I should do a blog about this holiday and what it means to someone that writes a lot of romance. I have a complicated relationship with the holiday. And no, I’m not going to go on a tangent about how it’s a Hallmark holiday and meaningless. It has meaning for some people, and one of those people is me.

So, what does this day mean to me?

Well, if you’ve read past blog posts, I’ve mentioned I’m polyamorous. I have two partners who are married to each other, a gender fluid partner and a cisgender male partner. My gender fluid partner (A) and I are both asexual and sex indifferent. This can be unfortunate for my cisgender male partner (M) because he is pansexual and would love it if we were more sexually active. However, with both A and I, it just isn’t the way we’re wired. They are very much happier just being romantic and so am I.

The lack of sex of course makes this definitely not a case of “unicorn hunting.” If you aren’t aware of what that is, in the polyamorous community it is a couple who seek out a third, usually female, who they use as a sexual plaything, and nothing more. It’s unethical, and definitely not a part of ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamy). I consider us polyamorous rather than any other definition due to the fact there’s no limit on me as far as partners. I have a couple of loose, long-distance relationships, but not enough to consider them “boyfriends” yet, but that may be my issue.

It's not to say I don’t enjoy sex. It’s that I don’t need it. I am never driven or “horny” even though I can write characters in the throes of passion. I have an intensely vivid imagination, so that’s where everything comes from.

As far as the holiday itself, I say, celebrate if you want. Enjoy the one day of the year dedicated to love. Whether you’re a fan of St. Valentine, or if you just like cupid and arrows of love, have a good day.

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